Trust where are you??

Why is it that doing the right thing is so complicated and so d&$% annoying. Sometimes I get so tired of doing the right thing and following all the rules that I just want to give up completely. Then I remember what happens when all the rules are thrown out the window. Simply doing your job every day is one of the hardest things in the universe. The hardest tasks are not the amazing ones; it is the simple task of living your life everyday in obedience to God and in accordance with his will. That is what is hard. And sometimes is gets so tiresome and feels so unless. I just want to give up.

But giving up is not the answer although it is easier, less work, more fun and causes much less pain (in the near future). But it is so hard to see the future and to know that the pain now will pay dividends in the end. It is hard to believe that the hard times now will bring something better and not something worse. Waiting is a B&@#.

I am waiting for something so great and so amazing that it has to be worth it. I am waiting for something so amazing that yet so attainable in other ways. There are so many short cuts to get what I am waiting for it is not funny but it is not TRUE!!!! I want the real thing and the only way I am going to get the real thing is if I wait on God and he gives it to me in the proper time.

But sometimes I want to take this waiting game into my own hands and play my own way. However I should know by know that my hands are not skilled enough and never will be to play the game right. I need someone with an eternal view of the game. Someone who controls everything in existence to move the pieces for me. I hate it……why do I hate it. I should be completely at ease that someone who loves me is playing for me with my best interest in mind. It is so hard to realize this. I want to have faith, I want to understand and believe but it is so hard. I want what I want and I do not want to trust in someone else to give it to me. But I know what if I wait it will be so much sweeter and will last a life time.

Giving over my plans and desire to God is one of the hardest things I have to do. I do not think I have ever been sure that I trust him enough to give him my plans I have always wanted to keep a hand in them to make sure they turned out the right way. My nature of leadership and control is killing me. But why do I know trust God enough to do it for me? I do not know? Maybe I do now know him well enough; maybe I have not let him speak to me.

God I want to trust you enough to give you my plans, I want to love you enough to fall into your arms and want to more, I want to walk by your side everyday for the rest of my life.

Everything

This is a skit we did last year at the plebe retreat and it is so powerful. I will talk about the skit later, I want to get the link on the blog right now.

Everything Skit, Lifehouse

Weekend

So the weekend was amazing. We got our rings and mine is amazing. I really feel like a firstie now.

My family and I spent most of the weekend at the plebe retreat. Which was a great time. I got to share my testimony Friday night and my mom got to share Saturday morning. On Sunday morning I did the life house skit (link) which was so powerful. We did it last year and it was just as powerful.

RING WEEKEND!!!!!

Today we are getting our rings. This is a big day this is the day that Firstie becomes real and you know that this is the year that you will graduate.

We all are so excited. It is going to be a great weekend!!!!

Wild at heart & Captivating

These two books are among the best I have ever read. I am still working through Captivating but so far it is amazing. One of the most important things I have pulled out of it is the duel nature of God. His personality and character are so big he had to make two distinctly different persons, with different physical characterizes and natures. To fully embody who he fully is. That is why weddings are so amazing because we are watching the two half’s of God's personality come together and become one once again.

Each sex has a story to tell about God. When I look at men and women now I think about what are they trying to tell me about God. It is amazing my eyes were opened to so many things and how I look at people is changing.

God is so amazing!!!!!

Wild at Heart

Waiting

You know the feeling you get before Christmas. The feeling of extreme anticipation because you know that on the 25th day of the last month of the year you are going to get to open the presents under the tree. The feeling of excitement and anticipation grows and grows at you get closer but you know when the day is coming and you know how much fun it is going to be.

Imagine waiting for something that is 100 times better than Christmas and not knowing when it is going to happen. You can see it in front of you. You might even get a taste of it but it is not time yet. However you can satisfy this desire by opening the presents early. you get to see what it is and you get to enjoy it for a short time but then you realize that you might have opened someone else’s present and that you cheated and the present you have may not have been intended for you. So you have to wait.

I hate that. I want it to be Christmas so badly and I think I can see it but I have to wait and be patient because if I am being made to wait Jesus had a reason for it. Maybe I am not ready for it. Maybe it is not the right time for it. I do not know the only thing I do know is this.

1. Want it to be Christmas so badly I could die. Every fiber in my want to know what is going to happen, every emotion in my wants to see the outcome.
2. Even though I may think I am seeing what is coming on that day I have to keep my hands open and trust that Jesus had a plan for me. He wants to see my delight on that day even more than I do (if that were possible but it is).


………… (sigh) waiting is not easy………

First day of the last year

Today I am starting my last year at the United States Military Academy at West Point New York. I am sad and excited at the same time. I am sad because I have enjoyed my time here so much I have learned so many lessons about myself and about leadership and I like to be around my friends.

However I cannot wait to step out into the career that is set before me. I did not come to west point to have fun and socialize however I have made friends here that I will have for the rest of my life. But I came to west point to become the officer that I was meant to be, to become the officer that I am capable of being.

I am a table commandant, which means I sit at the head of the table and I am in charge. I have four plebes at my table and as I look at them I see four individuals waiting to be developed and lead down the road to become the officers that they are meant to be. It is so exciting to me.

Lost

Do you feel so lost sometimes you just want to sit down and cry? If you are in the woods you can just sit down and cry on a log or rock if you are in the city when you are lost it is harder to just sit and cry because of all the people walking around. What your soul is lost where and how do you sit down. When you are lost spiritually where do you sit and how do you cry. I want to know because I need to.

You know that feeling when you feel like you are starting to get the hang of a new skill like riding your bike and you are getting comfortable on it...but then you crash and your bike gets all bent up and you get all banged up. Cut and scraped and all sorts of nasty things. Now you have a problem not only does riding not look so easy any more but your bike is all messed up and you have no idea how to get back on it and get back to riding.

The reason you want to get back on the bike is because once you have tasted the freedom of riding, the wind in your face, the ground racing beneath you it is impossible for you to not ride.

SO YOU HAVE TO GET BACK OUT THERE....BUT YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here to repair men...

LEADERSHIP

West Point….a name, a school, a military instillation, a hunk of rock on the edge of a river? What is it? Why it is where it is and what is its purpose?

Over my summer a lot about me changed and I started to see the world through much clearer lenses and I came to the realization that the purpose….my purpose is to teach. My purpose is to lead.

The point of West Point is to develop leaders of character. Who are able to go out and make the decision and be the men and woman that this army, this nation, this world needs.

This is a very cliché answer. But that is the point it is THE ANSWER. A leader of character is rare and a highly valued commodity. It is like a prized fighter, there did not just appear out of thin air they had to train. That fighter had to buffet their body into submit ion to become what they wanted it to be. It takes years of training, learning, and self examination. The same is true with true leaders of character.

I am back at West Point and right now I would sacrifice everything thing I have to be a David Penskar for even one person.

David Penskar was part of the class of 2009. He was my squad leader plebe year and I respect him more than any other leader I have ever met. He was professional, he was knowledgeable, most importantly he was an example. In every aspect of his life he was an example of what type of leader he wanted us to be. Now one year after he has graduated and two years after he was my squad leader I still think about my interactions with him. two of my most memorable time with him were one day when drill was canceled for rain and I had run to him room to get out of the rain and he asked me if I wanted to go on a “rain run.” we went out and ran down the rail road tracks, I do not remember how long it was but I do remember that it was one of the best runs I have ever been on ever. I do not remember specifics but I remember that we talked about his philosophy of leadership, my ideas for leadership and we just dialoged about who we were. The other time was at the end of the semester. He was leaving before grad week and wanted to talk to us all before he left. He took us to the Supe’s box once it was dark. We all sat down and he told us to “look at all the lights,” because behind every one of them was someone else who was learning to be leader. We had to continue to improve and learn to be the best leaders we could be. He told us how proud of us he was. That was probably the most memorable moment of my plebe year.

A man who I engaged with upwards of two years about is still making an impact on my. That is a leader. that is the leaders I want to be, someone who is able to inspire people to be their best and to instill in them a deep desire to be the best that we could be, to never never stop reaching for our best.

That is what I want to be for those around me…………….

A summer of change

this summer has been a time of change for me in some many ways.

I want to put into words part of what I experience this summer. and what i learned.

"here to summer 2010!!!!!"