Long time away

Hey so I have been way for a long time school and school and live have pushed blogging very far from my mind. however over the past couple of weeks and months I have had so much going through my mind I have not even been able to journal that much but now I want to get it out I want to put some of this down in words so I can think it through and pray about it.

Update.
- I have finished Cow year and am getting ready to start my last year at West Point it is going to be frickin amazing. I cannot wait to do Firstie year.

- I have a girl friend, her name is Sarah Binder. She also goes to West Point. She is on the Marathon team and her heart is on fire for God.

- I did CLDT and that was a blast I learned so much about myself and leading it was a real learning and growing experience.

- Currently I am in Alaska with the Corp of Engineers. Alaska is amazing.


I just finished the book Wild at Heart and that was an amazing book. That book has changed my life in so many ways it is not even funny. I will be talking about that book and what else I have learned later on.

Always yours,
Joey

The Greatest Question in History

“DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL?” – Jesus

Jesus said these words to a man who had been lame for 38 years at the pool of Bethesda (john 5). I think this is one of the most powerful questions ever. I have never heard this question until now. I have heard all this before; like Jesus knows everything you need and want.

But it was not until right now that I fully understand the significant of this question. Jesus want us to love him, he want us to see him as a friend and love him and ask for help. All he wants is us to say, “I want you to heal me.”

Because once we say that we are also saying that we love him and want true him and we want to be with him.

So with all my heart today I want to say

“I WANT YOU TO HEAL ME JESUS” – Me

With all my heart I want to say that and mean it. I want to love you Jesus. I want to be overflowing with love for you. I want to be so full of love that those who you bring into my life are just overwhelmed by the love that I have for you as it engulfs them.

I have always felt that I knew where God wanted to go with my life. But over the past year I have felt very directionless, but ever since the start of this year I have felt a direction a pull I have not felt for so long. I have felt so close to Jesus, and I can feel it growing. i just want to know him and to be with him, I want to spend time with him. I feel like I am starting to find my direction again. I cannot see where he wants me to go but I can feel the direction he is pulling me and I am not resisting any more. I want to run that way. But I am holding baggage that slows me down in my run towards him. Things from my past, regrets, shame, pain, wasted time, wasted love. I want to run to Jesus but the bags that I am holding are banging against my legs and my back slowing me down but I continue to hold on to them. I do not want to hold onto them anymore. I want to get rid of them. I want to cast them to the side. I want to throw them behind me and run unhindered to the cross, just like Jesus intended me to run to him. I want to ask…

“I WANT YOU TO HEAL ME JESUS, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.
I NEED YOU TO HELP ME GET RID OF THE THINGS I AM HOLDING ON TO
THAT KEEP ME FROM YOU. I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO THROW THEM MYSELF, ONLY YOU CAN HELP ME.”

Learning through pain

Do you ever thing you are just starting to make progress in something and hten you get confident and then that confidence turns every so quietly suttely into arrogance and you go from moving forward to falling backward??

Well I had one of those and it is very humbling but I can tell you that from this experience I am learning so much.

Something I would rather not learn because of the pain but they are things that I need to learn. For instance that I can get very arrogant at time and when I do I turn off all outside resources of help or advice. When this happens I am in Super Joe mode, although I am strong I am nowhere near strong enough to carry my life myself. But I have gotten a better look at this over the past couple days.

Pain and failure are the time when I learn the most. Look at working out it is only when you are in pain that you really grow.

Priorities....where are they

"people who have passion but lack priorities are like individuals who find themselves in a lonely log cabin deep in the woods on a cold snowy night and then light a bunch of small candles and place them all around the room. They don’t create enough light to help them see, nor do they produce enough heat to keep them warm. At best, they merely make the room see a bit more cheerful. On the other hand. People who possess priorities but no passion re like those who stack wood in the fireplace of that same cold cabin but never light the fire. But people who have passion with prorates are like those who stack the wood, light the fire, and enjoy the light and heat that it produces.”
"Go for Gold" by John C. Maxwell.

This book is amazing. Everyday there is something new for me to learn. It is broken up into week long chapters; the idea is that it takes a long time to become a good leader so the book takes a long time to read so that you have time to work on what I am trying to tell you.

I really like this one because sometimes I forget what the most important things are. If I go a day without spending that time alone with God like today I was running around and did not sit down with him (it is now 3 min until it is tomorrow). But I can say that today I lived by my priorities. I put God first today even though I did not meet specifically with him I did every job today to the best of my ability which is my first priority. To serve him is the main thing. While I was living today I stopped to talk to Him throughout the day but it was like we were talking and working at the same time because I did at no time stop and say now is my time to pray (if you are running a rifle range it is hard to stop what you are doing). But I think the main point for me is realizing that everything I do is focused at Jesus. Focused at loving him more and serving him to the best of my ability.

Topic jump.
I have been reading my friends Blog and they said they are feeling like their relationship with God is lacking something. Like they were singing last night and it did not feel real like you were not worthy to be singing the words of the song. Last semester I was at a similar place.
I was at a point where I was so tire of being a Christian I could not pray, I could not read by Bible, I could barely sing (which is big for me). There was a lot of stuff going on in my life that was separating me from Jesus during that time (for another, later post). For a span of about 3 weeks I took a break from being a Christian. I was just to tire and discourage I could not do it. It was not real, my relationship with God, my heart was cold, and my spirit was dry.

I distinctly remember one phone call with my mom, I was about to go to bed and she asked me if I wanted to pray before I went to bed and then she would pray…..I literally sat there for 2 minutes in silence. I could not do it. You know when you pray and you do not feel it. I could not feel it and I did not want to feel it, I had shut myself up so tight, I could not even pray. She just prayed and I went to bed.

Over Christmas break ’09. I got real with God and I started again. I decided since I had taken a break from being a Christian, I was a new Christian so I started again. Even since that day I have been thirsty for Jesus. I have been learning how to love him and others more. I have been learning how to walk with him and love him like I should. Like anyone who is new to something I still have a lot to learn but I am so excited to learn.

For anyone who actually reads this. I want to say if you feel like your relationship with God right now is not real and you do not feel connected to him. I was right there…it will end…like now I cannot even tell you how on fire for God I feel now. I got real with God…. and did not fall in love with God…….I AM GROWING IN LOVE WITH GOD (to fall is an accident; to grow/climb is a choice). Love is a choice and we have to make it every day. I now choice to love God more than any and everything else in my life, I still have a lot of bumps to workout but I cannot wait to iron them out with Jesus.

Well if you got his far you must have either 1) found something interesting which is unlikely or 2) you have to much spare time on your hands (for my friends also unlikely) or 3) you are a more devoted friend that I deserve.

Get out there and live life to the full because Jesus made us to live and love for his glory. So join me living life.

“There is no disgrace in a failure only in a failure to try.” -Teddy Roosevelt

Later

The Pull

Some times I want to give up and throw in the towel completely. I want to stop fighting, I mean I fight so hard to do the right thing and I rarely ever see the benefit. I try and do the right things, I try and watch the right things, I try and say the right things and sometimes I just get tired of it and wonder why.....then I feel "the pull"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

This skit makes me cry. I just watched it and I cried again. When I see Jesus pulling her to him I feel like I can feel Jesus pulling me too. Like all the things in my life are standing in the way and trying to distract me. Lust, money, alcohol, vanity and disregard for life. but then I remember that dance, I remember when Jesus and I used to dance and I want to go back to that and dance with him but I am caught up in the fight to get back to him because of all the things that I have let get between us. I cannot move them he has to step in and free me.

we did this skit for the plebe retreat that I ran at the beginning of last semester and I played Jesus and I can tell you when I was pulling her across the stage to me I felt...like I was really pulling someone I felt like I was in the thing. When I ran in and held back everyone, it was so strange.

Just think about that. Remember why we do what we do. I do, I do what I do because Jesus loves me and I love him and I love do dance with him more than I love to dance with the distractions in my life.

FOCUS ON THE BIG PICTURE

So it is mad late and I am tired but I had to write this. I think this is so important. I was reading this book earlier today "Go for Gold" by John C. Maxwell.

It talks about in the 1968 Olympics how the crowds were watching a marathon and they where waiting for the last runner to come across the finish line. they waited a long time. Eventually as people started to give up and leave they heard sirens in the distance from an ambulance. And a short time after the last runner entered the track to run his last 400 meters.


"It was John Stephen Akhwari from Tanzania. As he ran the 400-meter circuit, people could see that his leg was bandaged and bleeding. He had fallen and injured it during the race, but he hadn’t let it stop him. The people in the stadium rose and applauded until he reached the finish line.

As he hobbled away, he was asked why he had not quit, injured as he was and having no change of winning a medal. “My Country did not send me to Mexico City to start the race,” he answered. “They sent me to finish the race.”

Akhwari looked beyond the pain of the moment and kept his eye on the big picture of why he was there. As you make the success journey, keep in mind that your goal is to finish the race – to do the best you’re capable of doing.”


I think this is so important, we are not called to win or to lose, and we as Christians are called to run the race that God has given to us. To do our best and to bring glory to Jesus. We are not out to be the best or to make a name for ourselves we are out there because Jesus asked us to and we love him that much. The pain we are going through is part of the race we volunteered to run and we should look through it and see the importance of the race we are running. Time for bed…later ;)

strength (love that hurts)

it is at times like this that i relaize what we were saying all those time when we say "i am not strong enough" "my own power is so small"

i feel not see the profe. but that is the beauty of it all. i feel the pain and remeber that i am not alone. most people never get to feel that sence of weakness to this extent (well i hope they don't).

God teaches me so much through pain some times i want to yell at him and say,
"DON'T LOVE ME SO MUCH...IT HURTS A LOT."